Resurrecting Love

"Yes you fuckin' did!!" I couldn't help it. I screamed at him. I screamed at Frankie. He stood there in front of me, eyes welling with tears, and I screamed at him. "How could you Frank?! How could you, I thought you loved me!" I ranted.

He snuffled, the first tears tracing gray-tinted lines down his face. "I-I-I..." he tried to speak, but every time he opened his mouth, all that came out were dry sobs.

I couldn't belive he would do something like this to me. I loved him, for fuck's sake. I guess my feelings were unreciprocated.

"Gee-please listen-I never--" He couldn't continue.

I could feel my throat start to close. I stormed into the bathroom, slamming the door shut and locking it. I slid to the floor, my back to the wall, and wrapped my arms around my legs, drawing them tightly in. I was a fat, ugly ball of misery.

Frankie cheated on me with a girl...

I lowered my head to my knees as the tears came. I bit down hard on my hand, trying to stop crying, but all I did was puncture my skin. I felt briefly better as physical pain shot through my senses. I took Frankie's razor off the sink, turning the sharp instrument over in my hands.


Blood...


"Gee-please listen-I never--" I was so frustrated. My mind knew the words, my lips were moving, but the fucking tears weren't allowing me to explain.

He whirled, going into the bathroom and locking the door.

After a few minutes, I could hear him sobbing. My heart ripped in half at the sound of Gee in pain. Pain that I inflicted. He was silent, then yelped.

"Gee please don't--!!" I cried, slumping to my knees outside the bathroom door. I knew what he was doing, and I cursed myself for shaving yesterday. If only I had put my razor away! "Gee stop it!!" I begged, my forehead resting against the door as I sat up.

"You're scaring me..." I said in a barely-audible whisper.

I could see him now in my mind, so perfectly clear. His arms mangled and bloody, the floor stained with blood, his delicate skin torn and battered...that was how I had found him before he was sober. And I had sworn to myself, that even if he didn't love me, I would never let him go back to that. Strangely enough he had loved me too, and we had started living together. But last night...


Oh God, Last Night...


Last night. Clear in my mind, like an unforgettable nightmare. My Frankie, my Frankie, his perfect hazel eyes hazy from sex, and her biting his soft collarbone.

Tears came harder, faster as my mind tormented me.

She had dragged him by his hair up to her lips, and he had yelped. I could still hear her heavy breathing, smell the whore scent that permeated the bedroom Frankie and I had once made love in. I had cried out in shock, and when Frankie had looked at me...

It was like he was a different person.

"Gee, be a good boy and don't interrupt." he had said, drawing the girl to his chest.

So I hadn't. I had run downstairs, and waited, until she had left. An hour later, he had come down, looking dazed. He had smiled at me, and that was when I had glared at him, gearing up to scream at him.

"Hey Gee...did I do something wro..." His eyes had widened in rememberance. "Oh my...OhmGod..." Frankie had fallen to his knees. "Gee, I--I--I slept--" He shook his head, refusing to believe it. "I didn't--I couldn't--!! Please tell me I didn't Gee!!" he had cried, desperately clinging to my leg.


I Wish It Wasn't True...


I slammed my forehead against the door again and again, trying to either wear a hole in the boards or knock myself unconscious. "Gee listen to me!!" I finally said, stopping. "I was shitfaced drunk last night!! I didnt know..." I trailed off, resting my forehead on the door again. "I--went to that New Year's party. And I only had three beers--!! Because I haven't had any in a long time, I'm more susceptible to it now--I can barely remember anything that happened--!!" I gasped between sobs, half-heartedly pounding my fist into the door.

"You fucked that whore, you lying bastard!!" Gerard screamed at me.

"I know that!!" I screamed back.

"How do you think I felt when you told me to leave you two to your fucking?!" Gerard sobbed brokenly.

"I'm mother-fucking sorry!! Okay Gee? Is that okay now?! I couldn't be more fucking sorry than I am right now, okay Gerard?!" I screamed, my throat raw. "How do you think I felt when I used to climb onto the bus every night to see you and some random chick fucking on the couch, huh Gerard?! I slept on that couch! And all those little endeavors onstage, when you would force me to take off my shirt like I was some cheap whore! All those times I let you fuck me senseless in the back of the bus when you were drunk, knowing you would never speak to me that way in your sober mind! And when you--and when you finally did speak to me like that when you were sober I--I--" I dissolved into tears.

"I was so happy..." I whispered.

The gun that I had told Gee I bought for self-defense was in the kitchen, in the top drawer under the counter. I got to my feet, shuffling to the kitchen. Taking out the gun, I ran my fingers over the smooth metal. I had told Gee that I got it for self-defense, but the real reason why I got it...

Was in case I ever screwed up too bad for him to forgive me.

I stumbled back to the bathroom, kneeling outside the door. I continued with my former tangent, my hand shakily pressing the gun to the side of my head.


Happy...


"...Because I thought you might finally love me..." Frankie sobbed desperately. "But I can see it already. I was just a fuck toy, a way to fix your needs when the chicks weren't around..."

My heart shattered. Frankie was my everything, how could I ever have been so judgmental? He had accepted me back when I was a slurring, tripping, drunken user.

"And I just wanted you to know--I love you so much..."

I remembered him whispering that to me as he held my hair back when I was puking out my guts. He had helped me through so much, and though I had fallen so many times, he was always there to pick me up again. My eyes filled with tears. "My Frankie..." I whispered.

"I'm sorry Gee--I'm--I'm just so sorry--" His voice sounded so small and weak now, choked in tears.

I heard a metallic click. My heart thudded to a halt. The razor slipped from my fingers and hit the floor with a dull clang. I heard Frankie start outside the door.

"Gerard?! Gerard?!!" he cried, pounding anew on the door. "OhGodohGodohGod please let him be alright!! I take it back, I take it back, just please let him still be alive!!" Frankie wept.

I flung open the door. "Don't you dare apologize Frankie..." I whispered. "Not when I'm the one who fucked up."

"Oh Gee!!" His eyes filled with fresh tears as he saw my arms.

The gun dropped from his hands, firing a haphazard shot that buried itself in the baseboard.

"Frankie please don't cry anymore...please..." I begged as he flew to my embrace, clinging to my shirt and sobbing his heart out.

"You--hurt yourself--!!!" he gasped out, his breath warm against my shirt.

I had ached to hold him, tight and close, for too long. After finally getting the privilege, I wasn't about to lose it. "I'm sorry babe..." I whispered, inhaling the scent of his hair, reassuring myself that he was okay.


Aching...


I finally pulled away, wiping my eyes and picking up the lonely handgun on the floor.

"Frankie..." Gerard's white fingers wrapped around mine, tugging the gun from my grasp.

He turned it over, and my heart caught in my throat. I had gotten it engraved with the reason I bought it.

In case I fuck up too bad. Frank Anthony Thomas Iero. Date Of Death:

I had planned on having my mom engrave the date of my self-induced death.

Gerard looked up in confusion, meeting my eyes. "Fr-Frankie? This gun isn't for self-defense, is it?" he asked softly.

I shook my head.

He sniffled, drawing me into another hug. "I'll always forgive you Frankie." he whispered into my hair.

I hugged tighter, tears squeezing out of my eyes. God, I was so tired of crying.

"Promise me Frankie...promise me you'll never use this gun to hurt yourself." Gerard begged.

I nodded into his sweater, rubbing my nose in the rough fabric.

Gerard sighed, resting his head contentedly against mine. "I don't know what I'd do if I lost yo--Fuck!" he exclaimed suddenly.

"What? What is it?" I asked, drawing back.

"I got blood on your fucking turtleneck." he mumbled, embaressed and ashamed.

I smiled, patting his head. "'S okay Gee. It'll wash out. If I wash it now, it'll be fine." I started towards the kitchen, with him following like a lost puppy. "Geee!" I whined, pushing him out and then stripping off my shirt.


...


"But Frankie I--" I began, coming in again. Frankie whirled around. My eyes widened, and I started walking towards him, horrified.

"Gee...Gee wait. It was that girl she..."

"You're hurt." I whispered, running a finger across the hickeys on his neck.

He shut his eyes, biting his lip. "Ye-yeah." Frankie whimpered.

My hands continued, down his chest, pausing at the bloodblisters around his tender nipples. He had always been so delicate, how could she have done this to him? His skin was so sensitive, so easily bruised or marked. I had long ago learned that even though he didn't seem to notice, Frankie came with a 'Handle With Care' warning. I was always gentle with him. I wouldn't touch him if I was pissed off at someone, because I didn't want to hurt him. But this...

There were scratches on his sides, and bruises on his stomach and legs. "Oh Frank..."

He sniffled, furiously wiping at his eyes. "Gee--Gee I promise--I promise I'll never get drunk again!" he said feverently, grabbing my shirt and pulling me to his lips for a passionate kiss.

I let him linger for several minutes, knowing he was comforted when we kissed. My hands couldn't find anywhere to rest, his skin was so mauled. They finally fell at my sides, restless for a touch of Frankie's body. He started leaning back, pulling me into him. "Babe...I'm gonna' fall..." I murmured in his ear. He wrapped his arms around my neck.

"Then let's go somewhere where you can..." he whispered.


Fall Apart...


I rolled over into his chest, smiling at the familiar twinges in my body. Gerard always thought he was hurting me, but I loved it when he would be passionate. When he would release that inner fire, that energy he usually saved for the stage. I loved it when he would accidentally kiss a little too long, or touch a little too roughly. I loved it when he marked me as his own. I watched him as he started to wake up, his cheeks flushed from his exertions last night. His eyes opened, and he looked down at me.

He smiled. "Hey Frank-Frank..."

I giggled. "Hey Gee-Gee." I replied playfully, straddling his hips.

"How can you still be so beautiful this early?" he yawned, covering his mouth with his hand.

"The same way you can look as perfect as you did last night, your hair sweaty and messy, your eyes full of fire, your body slippery with--"

"Okay, okay. I get it." he cut me off teasingly.

I snuggled into his neck, a contented, "Mmmm..." sighing past my lips.

"Did I tire you out?" Gerard asked softly, his hand playing with my hair.

"Yup. And I loved every second." I replied, tracing innane patterns on his bare chest. He wiggled a little; I guess my fingers must've tickled.

"I luff you Frankiiiiie..." he sang gently.

"I luff you Geeeee..." I replied.


My Love Is...Just Waiting...To Turn Your Tears To Roses...
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