Postcards From Crazytown 30
I woke up early in the morning for my daily date with the porcelain throne.
I can't say that one ever gets used to throwing up, per se, but...it does bother you less the more you do it. Well not at the time. Because at the time you still feel like dying. Well, I guess what I'm trying to say is that when it happens a lot you get over it quicker afterwards. Yeah, that's about right. And at least I am getting over something, because I definitely am not getting over Frank. Last night I had a sex dream about him and this huge orgasm in my sleep. I remember making a lot of noise, too, and I just hope that was part of the dream and I didn't start moaning like that in real life. God, I hope Shannon didn't hear me. I mean, that would be way embarrassing. Way.
Aside from my obvious subconscious desire to sex him up, I just wish that I could see him. I think that this whole "wait and think about it" thing is essentially nothing but playing games, and that's never been what our relatio
Postcards From Crazytown 29
I woke up hungover and extremely tired. I knew I was supposed to be at class and work, but I just didn't want to go. I just wanted to lay there in bed for days. I checked my phone, hoping for a response from Lindsay.
I guess I have ruined everything. I guess she is not coming back.
I was stuck on that thought for a long time, wondering what I was going to do and how I could possibly get her back. But then I realized that if I was going to school I'd have to drag myself up and out of the apartment. So that's what I did. I got up and forced myself to get ready and grab my books.
On the way out of the apartment I noticed Ray was also leaving his apartment, too. Unlike me, he looked happy and well rested. He came over to say hi.
"Dude, you look like shit," he commented, looking more concerned than amused.
"Thanks," I said, sarcastically, and headed to the car. But he just followed me.
"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I just mean, is everything okay?"
"Yeah, I'm just h
Postcards From Crazytown 28
I woke up the next morning feeling nauseous and depressed. All night I had dreamt of Frank. Long ridiculously torturous dreams of kissing him and touching him. Then I woke up alone in a strange bed. I sighed. My phone beeped that I had text messages. The sucker was annoying like that, when I have messages it just beeps until I check them. I grabbed my phone to look. It turned out I had 7 messages, all from Frank.
I miss u
Plz call me
Im sorry 4 what I said. I didnt mean it
I <3 u & Baby Iero
Plz come home?
I rly miss u
Y wont u talk 2 me?
Well that was all I'd needed to see, I was up and packing my bag. I was on my way home to Frank. I probably would have made it there, too, if Shannon had not been awake and seen me pass the kitchen at almost a full run.
"HEY!" she called.
I stopped in my tracks.
"Where are you going?" she called.
I walked backwards back to the kitchen doorway.
"Uh Frank wants me to come home and I miss him, I kinda feel like I'm slowly dying inside and
Postcards From Crazytown 27
I started off with beer but then moved on to tequila. Nothing could take away the pain and guilt I was feeling, though.
There I was left alone in the apartment, everyone had left me behind. My friends, gone. My girlfriend, gone. My unborn child, gone.
Am I really as bad as they think I am?
I am not perfect and I will admit that I maybe reacted selfishly but I tried to be a good friend to Adam and I tried to be a good boyfriend to Lindsay. It's just that things spiraled out of control and I ended up looking like the bad guy. All I ever wanted was to keep everything going, keep us all afloat. But it just didn't happen. We didn't even make it one semester. And look at me now. Grades are fucked, credit is ruined, roommates moved out, girlfriend is pregnant, and she's left me. How much more could I possibly fuck up my life?
After a few more shots I tried to go pass out in the bedroom. The only problem was that Lindsay left a lot of her clothes on the bed. And I ended up being the
Postcards From Crazytown 26
When Shannon hung up, she looked distressed. Worried.
"What did he say?" I asked, wiping my eyes and trying to stop crying.
"He's a terrible person, Lindsay," she said, plainly. "I dont know how he fooled you for so long. Don't go back to him?"
I shook my head, but inside I was dying.
It really was over.
And I wasn't sure how I would make it without him.
Shannon made me comfortable and insisted that during my stay I would take her bed since I was a "pregnant lady" and she would sleep on the sofabed. I protested, but she would hear none of it. We ordered pizza for dinner and tried not to talk about Frank, but I just kept thinking about him and my situation. I started crying again and saying I wanted my mother.
"Now don't be crazy," Shannon said, hastily. "She will only make you feel worse. How about we get out of the house and go do something? Like go to a movie?"
"Okay," I agreed, half-heartedly. "Maybe it will take my mind off of the fact that I am pregnant, alone and home
Postcards From Crazytown 25
I looked back at the back door, feeling like I had heard something while Gerard and I had been talking, but there was no one there. I returned my gaze to my own hands, which I was fidgeting with nervously.
"It's going to be fine, Frank," Gerard said. "It's only natural to be scared, this is a huge thing. But you can make it work. It might be hard when the baby is first born, but once we get on our feet everything will work out. I believe in this band and I know we have the potential to make it. Once we make it, you and Lindsay won't have to worry anymore."
I nodded in response. And I wanted so much to believe his words. I wanted everything to work out. I loved Lindsay and I knew that we had a lot of love to give our baby, I was just worried that I wouldn't be able to come through on the money part. Or the time part.
"I'll help you guys any way I can," Gerard said.
"You're welcome. Now, you should probably be getting back home to Lindsay. She's probably wonderin